It’s the oldest trick in the psychic playbook, and somehow people still fall for it. You walk into a palm reader’s tent, a tarot shop, a spirit boutique — whatever they’re calling the con today — and within five minutes, you’re informed that you have “a dark cloud” hanging over you. Bad energy. A generational … Read more
Palmistry — or chiromancy, if you’re feeling pretentious — is the ancient art of pretending that the tiny, random creases on your palm contain the secrets of your personality, your future, and possibly your past lives, if the reader is feeling ambitious and the client looks like a good tipper. According to palmists, the major lines … Read more
There’s a particular kind of psychic that doesn’t just predict the future — they manufacture it. Stage by stage, whisper by whisper, merchandise table by merchandise table. Serena the Seer is rapidly becoming a textbook case. Once a local curiosity, now an undeniable small-town celebrity, Serena has parlayed gauzy scarves, soft lighting, and a talent for … Read more
There are bad ideas, and then there’s the Seventh Annual Psychic Horizons Cruise Experience. Five nights, four ports of call, and more aura readings than the Geneva Convention should legally allow. When I booked my ticket — in the name of research, masochism, and poor impulse control — I was promised “enlightenment, empowerment, and ethereal … Read more
There’s a special kind of theatrical stupidity involved in crystal ball gazing, and humanity has embraced it for centuries like a drunk clinging to a lamppost — not for illumination, but for support. The basic idea is simple: take a highly polished ball of quartz, or glass, or whatever’s cheapest at the local renaissance festival, … Read more
There are places where the boundary between the living and the dead supposedly thins to a whisper. And then there’s the Grand Séance Society, where the only thing thinning is your will to live. Billed as “a one-of-a-kind immersive paranormal experience,” the Grand Séance Society operates out of an old theater that smelled like mildew, … Read more
People who live in glass houses shouldn’t throw stones — but people who find themselves facing a cosmic dilemma might want to try it. Are you torn between two lovers? Trying to decide which job offer to take? Do you wish the ancient gods would whisper words of wisdom in your ear? The answer is … Read more
Remote viewing is what happens when you take the ancient art of guessing and slap a government grant on it. It’s the mystical claim that certain gifted individuals can see distant locations, hidden objects, or secret events simply by concentrating really, really hard. In other words: psychic tourism, without leaving the couch. At its peak, … Read more
Look, I know what you’re expecting. You’re expecting me to mock Miss Cleo. You’re expecting me to tear apart the late-night infomercials, the cartoon Jamaican accent, the psychic hotline scandal, the lawsuits, the whole gloriously ridiculous circus of it. But you’re wrong. Dead wrong. Because I believe Miss Cleo was the real deal. And no, … Read more
Astrology is the art of blaming your personal failures on the cosmic movements of balls of gas millions of miles away. It’s the ultimate get-out-of-jail-free card for people who refuse to accept that sometimes, Brenda, you’re just bad at picking men — it has nothing to do with Mercury’s “energy shifts.” At its core, astrology … Read more