Where Geography, Physics, and Sanity Go to Die
There’s something uniquely humbling about realizing that in an age where we can send robots to Mars, track hurricanes from space, and map the molecular structure of proteins, there are still people — allegedly literate — who believe Earth is shaped like a cosmic frisbee.
Flat Earth theory isn’t just wrong. It isn’t just absurd. It’s aggressively stupid. It’s the intellectual equivalent of punching yourself in the face and then blaming the curvature of your skull.
The best part is how Flat Earthers twist themselves into philosophical pretzels to maintain their fantasy. Gravity? Fake. Satellite imagery? CGI hoaxes. Airplane navigation? Mass conspiracy. Every scientist, pilot, astronaut, cartographer, engineer, weather forecaster, and shipping company on the planet is allegedly part of a giant, perfectly coordinated cover-up… just to hide the fact that we live on a celestial pancake. Sure. That sounds manageable.
And if you ask them for proof? Oh, they have it. They’ll show you blurry footage of the horizon looking “flat” if you squint hard enough. They’ll explain that because water finds its level, entire oceans are obviously spread out across a flat plate, not clinging to the surface of a rotating sphere held together by gravity, a force they deny exists but still seem able to walk around under without floating into traffic.
What’s truly incredible is the sheer commitment. You have to admire it, the way you admire a man in a tinfoil hat lecturing a parking meter about mind control. It’s full-contact denial. A blood sport against observable reality.
Flat Earth theory doesn’t make you a rebel against The System. It doesn’t make you brave or free-thinking. It makes you a participant in humanity’s slow, embarrassing regression back toward drooling in caves. Congratulations on discovering new depths of ignorance. I’m sure the cavemen would be proud.