There’s nothing quite like a grown adult claiming their stuffed toy is possessed by the malevolent spirit of a Victorian chimney sweep. It’s the kind of story that makes you question not just individual judgment, but the collective failure of entire educational systems.
“Haunted” dolls have become an industry now — proudly displayed in grimy museums, auctioned for obscene amounts of money online, and of course, “investigated” by ghost hunters armed with enough electronic equipment to launch a satellite but somehow still incapable of capturing a single moment of credible evidence.
The haunted doll phenomenon is a perfect storm of desperate attention-seeking, half-remembered horror movies, and a psychological principle known to sane people as “projection” but to the terminally credulous as “proof.”
The idea is simple: the doll moves, or blinks, or falls off a shelf — and rather than accept the obvious explanations (drafts, gravity, a cat with no respect for your fragile grasp on reality), people immediately conclude they’ve purchased a tiny, malevolent houseguest.
They don’t wonder if maybe it’s time to reevaluate their decision to live surrounded by 800 pounds of creepy porcelain. They don’t consider that being sleep-deprived and overly suggestible makes you a terrible eyewitness. No, it must be a ghost. Obviously.
Of course, once you declare your doll haunted, you’re on the fast track to fame. Post some grainy footage online. Describe how you “felt a dark presence.” Slap a warning sign next to the doll’s IKEA display case and rake in the YouTube clicks from people who can’t resist the mental equivalent of poking a sore tooth.
It would be funny if it weren’t so depressing. Rather than acknowledging that mental health exists, that imagination is powerful, or that sometimes you’re just lonely and scared in a house full of creaks, people cling to the fantasy that malevolent spirits prefer to terrorize humanity from the safety of grandma’s doll collection.
If your first response to unexplained movement is to buy a new EMF meter instead of seeing a therapist, the doll isn’t the one that’s haunted. You are.