It’s the oldest trick in the psychic playbook, and somehow people still fall for it.
You walk into a palm reader’s tent, a tarot shop, a spirit boutique — whatever they’re calling the con today — and within five minutes, you’re informed that you have “a dark cloud” hanging over you.
Bad energy. A generational curse. An ancestral misalignment. Pick your poison.
But don’t worry. For a modest fee — starting at $200 and escalating faster than a bad Tinder date — they can “cleanse” you.
Remove the hex. Untangle the negative cords. Break the cycle of misfortune that, until this exact moment, you thought was mostly just bad luck, poor planning, and your own inability to leave toxic relationships.
I once sat through a “curse removal consultation” in a strip mall psychic shack wedged between a vape store and a donut shop. The psychic — Madame Solara, whose real name was probably Jennifer — lit a bundle of sage, waved a crystal over my head, and solemnly declared that someone in my distant family line had “invited darkness” through “reckless spiritual behavior.”
Probably me, honestly, for agreeing to the appointment.
She offered several package deals. Basic curse removal: $299. Full energy rebalancing: $599. Ancestral realignment plus two custom-blessed candles: $899, “but you’ll want to hurry, because the darkness is gaining strength.”
I asked if the darkness accepted coupons. She did not laugh.
The real beauty of the curse scam is that it’s a closed loop. If your luck doesn’t immediately improve after the first $300 cleansing, it’s because the curse was “deeper than expected” and requires further sessions. If your finances dry up, it’s the curse fighting back. If you lose friends, it’s because they were “toxic energy” and needed purging.
No matter what happens, the psychic wins. You lose your money, your dignity, and occasionally your scented candles.
One thing is clear: Curses aren’t real. But scams that prey on fear, loneliness, and desperate hope? Those are real enough to pay rent on a strip mall booth for decades.
If someone tells you you’re cursed, they’re not offering a service. They’re offering a trap. Save your money. Buy a lottery ticket. At least with that, you know the odds going in.