Rocks, Rituals, and the Rise of Ridiculous Theories
There are few things on this planet more impressive than Stonehenge. And there are even fewer things more embarrassing than the way people talk about it.
A prehistoric ring of gigantic stones? Amazing. A feat of prehistoric engineering? Absolutely. Proof of extraterrestrial intervention, ancient power grids, or secret portals to other dimensions? Please. If anything, Stonehenge proves that humans have been overthinking simple problems for at least five thousand years.
Let’s start with the obvious: Stonehenge is a massive construction project, designed and executed by perfectly ordinary ancient people with perfectly human tools, sweat, ingenuity, and the terrifying combination of free time and no Netflix. Moving giant rocks without modern machinery isn’t a miracle. It’s physics, applied over long periods of time by lots of stubborn people with ropes, wooden sledges, and a religious commitment to getting sunburned.
But no, that’s not good enough for the True Believers. According to them, Stonehenge can’t possibly be the product of mere humans. It has to be a star map for aliens, or a forgotten power plant fueled by Earth’s “ley line energies,” or a stargate that the druids apparently misplaced.
Never mind that the construction spanned centuries, probably serving multiple purposes over generations — seasonal marker, burial site, gathering place. No, it must be a single, hyper-advanced purpose we just can’t grasp because we aren’t woke enough to feel the “vibrations.” Vibrations which, conveniently, can only be detected by the kind of people who think dreamcatchers improve Wi-Fi reception.
It’s the same old disease of thought: if something is old, impressive, and hard to explain in five minutes, it must have been aliens. Or wizards. Or ancient Atlantean super-scientists with levitation technology. Anything — absolutely anything — except ordinary people with brains, determination, and the ability to roll heavy things downhill.
Stonehenge doesn’t prove aliens built monuments. It proves people built myths. And judging by the nonsense still being written about it, we haven’t stopped.