If you landed here expecting a kind word, gentle encouragement, or a safe space for your delicate feelings, keep clicking. We’re fresh out. My name is Thurston Mabeus Penwick III, and I have taken it upon myself — alone, apparently — to be the last, best line of defense between humanity and the rising tidal … Read more
Mystic Grove promises an “immersive paranormal experience” to anyone with a credit card and a high tolerance for candle wax and nonsense. So naturally, I booked the town’s most theatrical offering: a private evening ghost tour with Mariah St. James, self-proclaimed medium, ghost hunter, spiritual intuitive, and costume jewelry enthusiast. Mariah met me just after … Read more
Nestled at the edge of Mystic Grove — and I use “nestled” as loosely as possible — the Shady Oak Bed and Breakfast promises “historic charm with a touch of mystery.” What it delivers is the architectural equivalent of a shrug. The place looks like it was decorated entirely from estate sale leftovers. It offers … Read more
I’ve been to a lot of “spiritual centers” in my time — strip mall palm readers, candle-lit séance parlors, roadside UFO museums complete with homemade aluminum hats — but few have been quite so aggressively adorable as The Divination Station in Mystic Grove. For starters, it’s housed in a repurposed gas station. Somewhere around 1962, … Read more
If you’re wondering whether Mystic Grove’s obsession with “heritage” extends beyond its psychics, charm shops, and “energy cleansing workshops,” allow me to direct your attention to Trattoria Amorelli — the town’s self-proclaimed beacon of fine Italian dining. Spoiler: it’s less “La Dolce Vita” and more “Death by Béchamel.” The decor sets the tone immediately. The … Read more
At first glance, the city of Enchanted Springs seems like the kind of place where you’d expect every third resident to burst into song about the power of friendship, all while framed against a charming backdrop of restored brick storefronts and suspiciously cheerful flower baskets. It’s charming, sure — the first twenty minutes you’re there. … Read more
Cryptids are the imaginary friends of the adult world — creatures that allegedly exist but somehow manage to avoid every camera, drone, microscope, satellite, and scientific investigation ever launched. Bigfoot. The Chupacabra. Mothman. The Jersey Devil. You name it. If it sounds like something that would’ve been cut from an early draft of Pokémon, there’s … Read more
The self-help industry, having long since exhausted every scrap of credible advice, has now pivoted to its most laughable strategy yet: telling you that you can think your way into a mansion. Yes, according to the high priests and priestesses of “manifestation,” you are but a few positive affirmations away from casually acquiring beachfront property, … Read more
Some people spend their Saturday nights watching sports, drinking beer, maybe indulging in a little reckless online shopping. I spent mine sitting around a wobbly dining room table in a dusty antique shop, participating in what was billed as a “Traditional Victorian Séance Experience.” Traditional in the sense that it involved costumes, bad accents, and … Read more
People used to look at the sky and chart the seasons. Now they look at the sky and blame Mercury for their bad haircut. Somewhere along the way, humanity decided it was far too exhausting to understand even the most basic facts about the universe, so we invented a shortcut: Sun Sign Astrology. Why bother … Read more
Deep in the Chihuahua desert, miles from anything resembling civilization, lies Cielo Verde, Mexico — a place where the sand shimmers, the sun never quits, and gullibility is baked into the landscape like so much brittle cactus. Cielo Verde claims to be the site of a massive extraterrestrial landing thousands of years ago, an “energy … Read more